Yesterday, I stumbled across the song Move by Thousand Foot Crutch. I hadn't listened to it in months but suddenly had an urge to. My love of art, especially music is no secret but this song in particular is important to me. I can't say it is an exceptional song to any real extent but I can't think of any more appropriate song. The only reason I even bother to remember the song's name is because I first heard it, stumbling across it on youtube, last year, the same night I found out Travis had died. In fact, I was listening to it when I read the email informing me of it. When ever I listen to it I'm compelled to stop and just listen, and reminisce. It's odd to me how well it seems to fit.
After listening two or three times I looked up from my laptop at the dark screen of my television and had to watch Kung Fu Panda, yet another thing which reminds me thoroughly of him.
I think the time around his funeral have over taken all others in defining and redefining who I am. It wasn't only his passing; two weeks to the day after his funeral a relative was buried, and two weeks following that my aunt lay before me in her casket.
Up until Travis's funeral my girlfriend (at the time) had always said I must be a robot, I didn't seem to have emotions. Before her, a good friend of mine said I have but one setting, mild bemusement and variations thereof. At the funeral though, she saw something rare, I cried. I don't mean that I let myself cry, in fact, I tried not to. Such a powerless sadness was something foreign to me. I cannot recall a time when my emotional controls had been so thoroughly demolished. They haven't come back up since, I'm not sure as to why, nor am I sure I want them to.
When I took off my belt that day something changed. I'm not sure if something was shed, gained, or simply changed but I did not leave the same person.
Before, I had been of the notion that caution was always the best path and that flying under the radar was a good doctrine to maintain. I thought it was caution, and wisdom, or such is what I told myself. Looking back, it was fear.
That day, standing up and stepping out of line, not singling myself out so much as doing what no one else happened to be doing, I learned to master my fear. In that moment there was nothing but the now, and as the seconds counted down I knew I couldn't delay, nor could I divine by any means the ramifications of my plan. I only had one chance and only seconds to consider it. At that moment, I was stepping off the edge to trust in the angels. I remember how hard it was to undo and fold the belt because of how much I was shaking. I expect most people thought my weak knees and unsteady hands were from pent up sadness; rather, it was terror.
I have never regretted it, in fact, I count it as being pivotal to my progression. The total realization that I am not a black belt because of some strip of dyed fabric around my waist, no I am a black belt because that is the colour of my soul and I should be demonstrating my rank rather than simply looking the part. If someone needs to see a belt to know my quality, that is already a failure on my part.
I'm not sure where I wanted to go in this entry, but I am glad of where it took me. I think I'll leave it here.
Ben Davies
Silent River Kung fu
Stony Plain, Alberta, Canada
www.silentriverkungfu.com
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
*Sigh*
I've gotten regrettably little done today, spending most of it fixing my sister's old laptop to salvage her data and then trying in vain to upload a video clip to facebook. I shall notarize here that I am rather frustrated with facebook. Case in point: one's upload speed should never read
( infinity KB/sec) -- 25 minutes remaining
It almost makes my head hurt to contemplate on how many levels that is stupid.
Now, having given up on uploading for the time being, am trying to draw, which never goes well. I have decided that I would do well to have at least mediocre artistic abilities and I have always enjoyed drawing. In elementary my schoolwork was done quickly so that I could spend the remainder of class drawing some manner of thing on the back. And then I stopped.
I'm not sure why I never went back to drawing. I took art and cartooning in school but ever since I've been loath to put pen to paper.
I'm afraid I don't really have anything else to say tonight
Ben Davies
Silent River Kung fu
Stony Plain Alberta, Canada
www.silentriverkungfu.com
( infinity KB/sec) -- 25 minutes remaining
It almost makes my head hurt to contemplate on how many levels that is stupid.
Now, having given up on uploading for the time being, am trying to draw, which never goes well. I have decided that I would do well to have at least mediocre artistic abilities and I have always enjoyed drawing. In elementary my schoolwork was done quickly so that I could spend the remainder of class drawing some manner of thing on the back. And then I stopped.
I'm not sure why I never went back to drawing. I took art and cartooning in school but ever since I've been loath to put pen to paper.
I'm afraid I don't really have anything else to say tonight
Ben Davies
Silent River Kung fu
Stony Plain Alberta, Canada
www.silentriverkungfu.com
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
All you need is love
Picking up where the last entry leaves off, I spent Thursday trying to locate the problem in the wiring of my car. Interestingly, the wire which we tweaked to keep the car running has naught to do with the car running, in fact, we unplugged it and the car kept running. Ergo, we have no idea where the problem is, but my car is still running so that counts for something I guess.
From here my week only became more surreal, going out with a friend of mine that night to a Real Mackenzies concert and not getting to sleep until around 5 am and then booking into the U of A for a 10 am Spoken Word choir practice which was probably the oddest and funniest practices I've ever attended for what is shaping up to be a very memorable set for the poetry festival on the 24th. Evidently the plan is for me to recite Katy Perry's 'I Kissed A Girl' on stage. All alone. What's more, I have to look serious the whole time I recite that ridiculous piece.
I spent the rest of the day on whyte ave for the most part and ate tasty ramen with my pal Dylan. I must admit, it was delightful to roam about in the rain until I became inclined to move on and drove down to New City where I met up with friends, got to bed late again and ended up getting up at 4 pm on Saturday to attend a gathering of sorts until I left to go to Silent River for midnight to kick off the forms marathon.
12-2
This shift was high energy and highly organized, comprised of Sifu Robertson, Sihing Finnamore, Sihing Lillienscold (Sp?), and myself with the addition of the Youngs for the last half an hour. During this shift we had each person taking a turn doing doing a form and then cycling out to stretch, rest, or do push ups. This is how the 2000 were accomplished. I was very impressed by the Sihings and the Youngs. Good job!
2-4
The Youngs, Sifu Bryant, and myself. This shift has much less focus on push ups, although we put in an effort. Much of the time was spent with either Sifu Bryant or myself giving the Youngs advice on their forms while the other cycled through over and over. Over all, I think this was the best shift I attended in terms of solid value and I am thankful I attended it.
On a lighter note, around 3 am there were loud drunk people outside, and oh how we laughed.
4-6
I was only there until 5:30 since I was beginning to crash and needed some food. This shift is where all order seemed to have left and it became 2 hours of people working on forms rather than doing them per se. Don't misunderstand though, a lot of hard work was done.
6-8
I came in a half hour late on this one but it seemed, unlike the first two shifts, to be three people doing their own thing rather than 3 acting as a single unit but it was still not as disjointed as 4-6. Sifu Brandi Beckett has beautiful kung fu and Mr. Crebb (Sp?) is coming along nicely; they are both a pleasure to work with.
8-10
It may be noted that exactly 0 push ups were done during this shift, and this is because I was busy doing forms the full two hours. I ended up in the nice, sunny parking lot getting odd looks from passerbys and a loud "hallo!" from my former boss who lives nearby. Over the course of this shift I converted many of the forms I know, including weapons, into empty hand tai chi to gain a better understanding of their flow. This was very enjoyable and the data I gathered will send ripples through my kung fu. Thanks to Mr. Crebb for staying behind as long as he could, it was very considerate. I then left to have caffeine with a friend
12-2
I don't recall the exact time I arrived, I think it was around 1:20 or so. I had left my cell number with Sifu Wilsonin case people from the next shift were no shows. She passed it to Sifu LaRocque who rang me when one of her shift-mates played the invisible nonja. Mrs. Prince headed off and Sifu and I had a dandy time with our forms until only Sifu Terry Beckett showed for the next shift.
2-4
I could only stay until 2:30ish due to family commitments until I had to leave poor Sifu Beckett alone and learn how Mr. Crebb felt earlier. awww.
Over the course of this, mainly during my actual shift 8-10, I realised that I have been thinking wrong. My biggest criticism for most people is that they look too stressed doing kung fu and need to relax to let the techniques flow out of them rather than try to be an Austrian Death Machine and out speed/out power everyone. When I slowed my kempo down I realized that I was throwing the techniques rather than experiencing them. The thought then came to me of when I am happily walking down streets in the rain, or rocking out on a crowded dance floor, that feeling of separation between my mind and body where my body can be unleashed fully and I can sit back and experience every detail of it. For some reason the next thing to enter my mind, which is prone to tangents, was the song All you need is love along with memories of Sifu Olsvik telling me to maintain my inner smile. I tried to maintain my inner smile, which isn't hard since I'm a smiliey person but the Beatles were still singing in the back of my mind. Then my paradigm shifted, rather than trying to analyze my technique while being happy was wrong, it was causing my mind to be disjointed and travel in too many directions. I lacked focus until it hit me that I rather than trying to master a technique, I should instead love it, and it will master itself. Bam! My already seemingly excruciatingly slow techniques halved and halved again in speed but felt fast and I could feel, without trying to focus, every nuance. With this better, stronger, faster eye for detail I found new dimensions to my kempo which I really must explore.
As for my adventure from 5:30 to 6:30. It was intended as a quick walk to Timm Horton's for a muffin and a drink to tide me over until 10. But on my arrival I found the doors locked (I found out later they open at 5 on weekdays, 6 on weekends) and so I turned back to fetch my car but then reconsidered, saying to myself, 'Haven't you always wanted to walk through a drive through?'. So I turned back again to try my luck at walking through their drive through. While waiting for the crosswalk though, I was passed by a purposeful man walking on the edge of the traffic lane before me. Both being polite, we greeted each other and he then asked if it was Spruce Grove on the horizon, which I confirmed and then followed by asking where he was going.
"To my car," he said with a dedicated, but exasperated tone
"Want a ride?" I, his fellow pedestrian inquired
"Sure."
"This way." I lead him back to my car outside of SRKF.
We discussed all manner of thing as I drove him to the scales by Acheson where his car had broken down on him. He introduced himself as Tom and said he too had trained in the martial arts and so on. I dropped him off and by the time I got back, Tims had opened and I had a delicious muffin and ice cap before returning to kung fu. My motto? When God hands you adventure, take it.
So after leaving the marathon I went to my great grandmother's birthday party which was as dry as any family gathering aside from my crazy cousins and cute old great grandparents.
Following this I played Designated Driver for my friend and it was 5 or 6 am, after I had returned home and sat on my computer checking various things that I realized wow. I should get to bed. In all I was up for around 38 hours and was still going. I felt triumphant and hit the hay.
Eternally Adventurous,
Ben Davies
Silent River Kung fu
Stony Plain, Alberta, Canada
www.silentriverkungfu.com
From here my week only became more surreal, going out with a friend of mine that night to a Real Mackenzies concert and not getting to sleep until around 5 am and then booking into the U of A for a 10 am Spoken Word choir practice which was probably the oddest and funniest practices I've ever attended for what is shaping up to be a very memorable set for the poetry festival on the 24th. Evidently the plan is for me to recite Katy Perry's 'I Kissed A Girl' on stage. All alone. What's more, I have to look serious the whole time I recite that ridiculous piece.
I spent the rest of the day on whyte ave for the most part and ate tasty ramen with my pal Dylan. I must admit, it was delightful to roam about in the rain until I became inclined to move on and drove down to New City where I met up with friends, got to bed late again and ended up getting up at 4 pm on Saturday to attend a gathering of sorts until I left to go to Silent River for midnight to kick off the forms marathon.
12-2
This shift was high energy and highly organized, comprised of Sifu Robertson, Sihing Finnamore, Sihing Lillienscold (Sp?), and myself with the addition of the Youngs for the last half an hour. During this shift we had each person taking a turn doing doing a form and then cycling out to stretch, rest, or do push ups. This is how the 2000 were accomplished. I was very impressed by the Sihings and the Youngs. Good job!
2-4
The Youngs, Sifu Bryant, and myself. This shift has much less focus on push ups, although we put in an effort. Much of the time was spent with either Sifu Bryant or myself giving the Youngs advice on their forms while the other cycled through over and over. Over all, I think this was the best shift I attended in terms of solid value and I am thankful I attended it.
On a lighter note, around 3 am there were loud drunk people outside, and oh how we laughed.
4-6
I was only there until 5:30 since I was beginning to crash and needed some food. This shift is where all order seemed to have left and it became 2 hours of people working on forms rather than doing them per se. Don't misunderstand though, a lot of hard work was done.
6-8
I came in a half hour late on this one but it seemed, unlike the first two shifts, to be three people doing their own thing rather than 3 acting as a single unit but it was still not as disjointed as 4-6. Sifu Brandi Beckett has beautiful kung fu and Mr. Crebb (Sp?) is coming along nicely; they are both a pleasure to work with.
8-10
It may be noted that exactly 0 push ups were done during this shift, and this is because I was busy doing forms the full two hours. I ended up in the nice, sunny parking lot getting odd looks from passerbys and a loud "hallo!" from my former boss who lives nearby. Over the course of this shift I converted many of the forms I know, including weapons, into empty hand tai chi to gain a better understanding of their flow. This was very enjoyable and the data I gathered will send ripples through my kung fu. Thanks to Mr. Crebb for staying behind as long as he could, it was very considerate. I then left to have caffeine with a friend
12-2
I don't recall the exact time I arrived, I think it was around 1:20 or so. I had left my cell number with Sifu Wilsonin case people from the next shift were no shows. She passed it to Sifu LaRocque who rang me when one of her shift-mates played the invisible nonja. Mrs. Prince headed off and Sifu and I had a dandy time with our forms until only Sifu Terry Beckett showed for the next shift.
2-4
I could only stay until 2:30ish due to family commitments until I had to leave poor Sifu Beckett alone and learn how Mr. Crebb felt earlier. awww.
Over the course of this, mainly during my actual shift 8-10, I realised that I have been thinking wrong. My biggest criticism for most people is that they look too stressed doing kung fu and need to relax to let the techniques flow out of them rather than try to be an Austrian Death Machine and out speed/out power everyone. When I slowed my kempo down I realized that I was throwing the techniques rather than experiencing them. The thought then came to me of when I am happily walking down streets in the rain, or rocking out on a crowded dance floor, that feeling of separation between my mind and body where my body can be unleashed fully and I can sit back and experience every detail of it. For some reason the next thing to enter my mind, which is prone to tangents, was the song All you need is love along with memories of Sifu Olsvik telling me to maintain my inner smile. I tried to maintain my inner smile, which isn't hard since I'm a smiliey person but the Beatles were still singing in the back of my mind. Then my paradigm shifted, rather than trying to analyze my technique while being happy was wrong, it was causing my mind to be disjointed and travel in too many directions. I lacked focus until it hit me that I rather than trying to master a technique, I should instead love it, and it will master itself. Bam! My already seemingly excruciatingly slow techniques halved and halved again in speed but felt fast and I could feel, without trying to focus, every nuance. With this better, stronger, faster eye for detail I found new dimensions to my kempo which I really must explore.
As for my adventure from 5:30 to 6:30. It was intended as a quick walk to Timm Horton's for a muffin and a drink to tide me over until 10. But on my arrival I found the doors locked (I found out later they open at 5 on weekdays, 6 on weekends) and so I turned back to fetch my car but then reconsidered, saying to myself, 'Haven't you always wanted to walk through a drive through?'. So I turned back again to try my luck at walking through their drive through. While waiting for the crosswalk though, I was passed by a purposeful man walking on the edge of the traffic lane before me. Both being polite, we greeted each other and he then asked if it was Spruce Grove on the horizon, which I confirmed and then followed by asking where he was going.
"To my car," he said with a dedicated, but exasperated tone
"Want a ride?" I, his fellow pedestrian inquired
"Sure."
"This way." I lead him back to my car outside of SRKF.
We discussed all manner of thing as I drove him to the scales by Acheson where his car had broken down on him. He introduced himself as Tom and said he too had trained in the martial arts and so on. I dropped him off and by the time I got back, Tims had opened and I had a delicious muffin and ice cap before returning to kung fu. My motto? When God hands you adventure, take it.
So after leaving the marathon I went to my great grandmother's birthday party which was as dry as any family gathering aside from my crazy cousins and cute old great grandparents.
Following this I played Designated Driver for my friend and it was 5 or 6 am, after I had returned home and sat on my computer checking various things that I realized wow. I should get to bed. In all I was up for around 38 hours and was still going. I felt triumphant and hit the hay.
Eternally Adventurous,
Ben Davies
Silent River Kung fu
Stony Plain, Alberta, Canada
www.silentriverkungfu.com
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
A Day of Adventure
Those who know me know that I love adventure and I'm an optimist. An excellent combination if I do say so myself. It came in handy yesterday when, while driving downtown, my car died.
Like anyone would, I tried out some new exclamatories but I knew I had at least one great turn of events in my favor: I got it parked on a side road rather than having it die on Jasper Ave. This was at 5:00, the same time I was supposed to meet a friend downtown. So I called Troy, my friend, and informed him with a smile that my car was dead and we were to have an adventure.
A little about Troy. I met him about a month or so ago and he is currently one of most enjoyable people I know. He's ridiculously nice and well mannered, but also even more eccentric than I. I tend to conform more or less, I wear a mass produced trench coat and mass produced clothes to mass produced social scenes. Troy, on the other hand, attends the same scenes and also wears the mass produced, but this is where he deviates: he wears skirts. The first time you see men wearing floor length skirts it takes a couple minutes to get over but then you realize that at least his outfit is coordinated. He calls it a kilt, but it's still a women's kilt. Needless to say, we had a good time while I tried to explain my car to my no-car towny friend.
It was 45 minutes to an hour after my car quit that I, having no tools and little idea where to begin if I did, finally gave up and called my dad. Then we went to an internet cafe called Naked. I don't know why it is called Naked, it just is. Walking in it is suitably dark to protect the delegate eyes and ivory skin of the gaming crowd, with a stage at the far end, table along one wall and computers against the other of the deep, but narrow room.
On our way there we had met up with a third, named Ian, and decided to play chess. First round, Troy vs. myself, and I use a risky strategy in which I make a miscalculation and lose my queen and the integrity of my whole kingside formation. I lost, but that's ok. Next is Ian and I; he resigns when my zone control is well over half the board, I've taken his queen and the rest of his pieces are more or less trapped. We start again and it is going well, we're about even for the most part but then my father phones me and I scurry back to my car. An hour later we have it running and spend an hour driving it home.
Lesson: be careful about wishing for some excitement when you're bored.
Ben Davies
Silent River Kung fu
Stony Plain, Alberta, Canada
www.silentriverkungfu.com
Like anyone would, I tried out some new exclamatories but I knew I had at least one great turn of events in my favor: I got it parked on a side road rather than having it die on Jasper Ave. This was at 5:00, the same time I was supposed to meet a friend downtown. So I called Troy, my friend, and informed him with a smile that my car was dead and we were to have an adventure.
A little about Troy. I met him about a month or so ago and he is currently one of most enjoyable people I know. He's ridiculously nice and well mannered, but also even more eccentric than I. I tend to conform more or less, I wear a mass produced trench coat and mass produced clothes to mass produced social scenes. Troy, on the other hand, attends the same scenes and also wears the mass produced, but this is where he deviates: he wears skirts. The first time you see men wearing floor length skirts it takes a couple minutes to get over but then you realize that at least his outfit is coordinated. He calls it a kilt, but it's still a women's kilt. Needless to say, we had a good time while I tried to explain my car to my no-car towny friend.
It was 45 minutes to an hour after my car quit that I, having no tools and little idea where to begin if I did, finally gave up and called my dad. Then we went to an internet cafe called Naked. I don't know why it is called Naked, it just is. Walking in it is suitably dark to protect the delegate eyes and ivory skin of the gaming crowd, with a stage at the far end, table along one wall and computers against the other of the deep, but narrow room.
On our way there we had met up with a third, named Ian, and decided to play chess. First round, Troy vs. myself, and I use a risky strategy in which I make a miscalculation and lose my queen and the integrity of my whole kingside formation. I lost, but that's ok. Next is Ian and I; he resigns when my zone control is well over half the board, I've taken his queen and the rest of his pieces are more or less trapped. We start again and it is going well, we're about even for the most part but then my father phones me and I scurry back to my car. An hour later we have it running and spend an hour driving it home.
Lesson: be careful about wishing for some excitement when you're bored.
Ben Davies
Silent River Kung fu
Stony Plain, Alberta, Canada
www.silentriverkungfu.com
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Secret Agents
I have new, perhaps even happy news. Two friends and I have gained representation as extras in movies. We're not sure how it will turn out but if nothing else it will be an experience and a way to build a resume.
The past few days have been quite enjoyable. On Sunday I had a nice long brood about the current state of my affairs, my always being the instigator of socialization with only the rare occurrence of someone calling me and so forth. Events however, seem to be shifting. I was called yesterday by a friend wanting em to accompany him to Calgary for an interview with the talent agent, and a few phone calls later three of us were going, all with interviews. Once there, highly interesting opportunities were readily available (though I'm not holding my breath on being accepted). In addition to this I've begun corresponding with Thomas Trofimuk regarding my writings.
I am quite excited by the sudden onrush of activity which seems to coincide oddly with my brooding.
The impossible goal I was trying to accomplish, by the way, is still unaccomplished; I need better materials.
Ben Davies
Silent River Kung Fu
Stony Plain Alberta, Canada
www.silentriverkungfu.com
The past few days have been quite enjoyable. On Sunday I had a nice long brood about the current state of my affairs, my always being the instigator of socialization with only the rare occurrence of someone calling me and so forth. Events however, seem to be shifting. I was called yesterday by a friend wanting em to accompany him to Calgary for an interview with the talent agent, and a few phone calls later three of us were going, all with interviews. Once there, highly interesting opportunities were readily available (though I'm not holding my breath on being accepted). In addition to this I've begun corresponding with Thomas Trofimuk regarding my writings.
I am quite excited by the sudden onrush of activity which seems to coincide oddly with my brooding.
The impossible goal I was trying to accomplish, by the way, is still unaccomplished; I need better materials.
Ben Davies
Silent River Kung Fu
Stony Plain Alberta, Canada
www.silentriverkungfu.com
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