Doing well...not that it helps

I've always been one to enjoy my own misfortune. If you can't laugh at yourself, what's left in life? Well, this is pretty funny. I'm now making twice what I was, but I now have less money. I had been getting paid daily, in fact, and now I'm pretty sure that I won't get paid until Jan 1st at which time my check should be sizable, even more so than all the bills due on Dec 30th. Really, at this point, I'd be better off with making less faster to cover my bills, but in the long term this should be best. The only thing I'm worried about is whether I'll be able to register in time for an event which takes place at the end of January and towards which I've been looking for a year. If I don't make it, I will be a thoroughly unhappy camper.
This has pretty much been my fail month. In a fall/winter wrought by disappointment and things exploding in my face, this is arguably the worst month of them all. The only thing which has gone right this month is the sandwich I had yesterday. It was delicious.
The thing which amuses and infuriates me is that I keep on doing things which should be great but have ended up just making things worse, at least for the short term. The things which have gone well are few and far between, while everything else unravels around me. I haven't even been able to get to the kwoon on even a semi regular basis, nor has my blogging been up to snuff, and the list goes on. The part which irritates me the most though is that it doesn't matter. That's all anyone says, when I happen to remark on my current state of dissatisfaction. I'm not sure what I would actually be happy to hear, but I'm sure it would be something constructive, like perhaps a solution. What I'm not a fan of is 'it'll be better later' or 'it'll all work out' or 'it's no big deal'. The first two are fair enough, I mean it's just a person trying to sound sympathetic and give you some hope, but I already know things will be better in the future. The last one though 'it's no big deal' annoys me. I know that having my plans continually dashed isn't a 'big' problem. I know that my blogging isn't a big deal (let's face it, the world doesn't change based on my blogs...yet). I know that not being able to get to the kwoon is not a big deal. I know that all my problems are not big deals. No lives depend on their outcomes and they don't have far reaching implications which cannot be solved in January and when I'm old and toothless I won't be muttering about how December 2009 was where my life went wrong. I know that my problems are not big to the world, but they're the problems I have and they're plenty big enough for my purposes.
Even my 'what the Ubbt has done for me' won't go right. I know exactly what I want to say, I have figured it out but how to say it is giving me some trouble. When I sat down at my computer tonight I had big plans for the next editing of it, but instead I typed this. Why? Because this is just what I had to say.


Ben Davies
Silent River Kung Fu
Stony Plain, Alberta, Canada
www.silentriverkungfu.com